A year

It's been nearly a year since I posted anything here... So here's a new version of what I posted last year. Some things have changed.
Things in Green are the same

• A-Available/Single? Yep! Loving singularity right now :)

• B-Best Friend? Carol/BabyG/Erin
• C-Cake or Pie? Trying to cut back on both... but I love both.
• D-Drink Of Choice? Iced tea 
• E-Essential Item You Use Everyday? Sunglasses and Keys
• F-Favorite Color? Green/Red/Black
• G-Gummy Bears Or Worms? Gummy Bears (red and pineapple)
• H-Hometown? Easton
• I-Indulgence? Trader Joe's Chocolate bar
• J-January Or February? November.
• K-Kids & Their Names? If I adopted a well behaved child: Ingrid/Ian
• M-Marriage Date? Next lifetime?
• N-Number Of Siblings? 1
• O-Oranges Or Apples? Oranges (I'd prefer Grapefruit)
• P-Phobias/Fears? Everything? I'm like Woody Allen.
• Q-Favorite Quote? "Deeds not words."
• R-Reason to Smile? The Dick Van Dyke Show
• S-Season? Spring
• T-Tag Three or Four People? why? So they can know how cool I am?
• U-Unknown Fact About Me? I kick with my left foot.
• V-Vegetable you don't like? Stephen Hawkins, sike, Fennel. (I still love this joke)
• W-Worst Habit? Picking my nose (What if I had said "Pooping myself?")

• X-X-rays You've Had? Teeth, ankle, head, neck, pelvis ... is this the only x word someone could think of?
• Y-Your Favorite Food? Salad (for real, I love it.)
• Z-Zodiac Sign? Sagittarius

Michelle Bachmann: A Lesson in Hate

I feel like since Michelle Bachmann feels like she can just denounce people so openly in the name of God... We should rally as many people who are gay, lesbian, bi-sexual, supporting gay rights and all of our dogs... Drive to one of her speeches, act really excited and try to shake her hands.

Everyone tells her that they're gay and came to the rally specifically to save her children from her hurtful and horrible words. What do you think? I want to crush her like a bug on a windshield. http://www.nytimes.com/2011/07/17/us/politics/17bachmann.html?_r=1&hp

For saying she's a Christian, she's not being very Christ like. She should be more Jewish. Then she'd be cool... Well, no she wouldn't. She sucks eternally and I hope she knows that the God I theoretically might believe in ... and the heaven that if I didn't think we all just go back to dirt and energy goes into something else -- exists... St. Peter or Jesus or God or Chris Farley would be at the pearly gates going--

"Michelle... that wasn't very nice. You exploited a group of people for your own gain and crooked beliefs. Plus your refusal to ever read a book... Very Hitler like Michelle. I'm sorry, this gate isn't for you. You can take the limbo elevator down, directly, to hell."


She makes me so mad. I mean, the only reason that she can spurt out stupidity and these strangely driven political antics is through the fact that a lot of women worked hard to make work like this possible. I'm sure if in the 1970's Gloria and the gang thought this would be the result, they may have change some things. Or, they may have killed baby Michelle Bachmann like they should have killed Damion in The Omen or Rosemary's baby in Rosemary's Baby. I can't stand the idea that she is the female potential candidate. She wants to go back to the way the "Founding Fathers" had things... Well, let's look at what world they were dealing with and what they may have thought about Michelle Bachmann running for President.

1. They probably would have thought "AHH!" because, according to the US Census Bureau, there were only 2.5 million people in the U.S. in 1776. The amount of people probably would have made them poop their shifts, knickers and wigs.

George Washington apparently had wooden teeth and no one showered. They were all hairy and if you weren't a slave, chances are you were Western European. Women had no rights. No one who was any color but white was also screwed and people fought with muskets and disease (but they probably just blamed magic or something).

2. Slavery still existed. Why do people think it's cool to keep things based in this romanticized past. Did the last 2-500 years just not happen? Do you really want to go back to not vaccinating children-- sure polio gives you character-- but really? Do you want to tell your friend they can't be around anymore because they're black? That's just fucked.

3. Did I mention women had no rights back then? It took Elizabeth Cady Stanton, Susan B. Anthony and a WHOLE bunch of old white ladies to make that happen. That happened after the abolition and rights of African Americans was passed. Stanton and Anthony had a split from Fredrick Douglass and from each other over these issues. Fredrick Douglass, though I love him, didn't want to attach "sex" to the 18th amendment because he knew that would hold it back from being passed. I hope that if Fredrick met Michelle Bachmann, he would fight her as well... of course, for different reasons.

There are more reasons that basing things on the Founding Fathers isn't so great... I mean, beyond the pressures their ghosts have to endure. Talk about being a group without a voice, they have to haunt to be heard and since Google +, haunting just seems like you're crazy, I bet there's a circle for that.

I just get so pissed that someone can stand at a podium, declare that groups of people will harm children when there is little chance of that happening. You know what's hurting children? Words of hate. Denouncing groups in a generalized form.

A lot of problems come from suppression. I watch Mad Men, I know.

Maybe instead of threatening groups of people who are brave enough to come out of a shell that has held them in for so long, you could embrace them. Welcome them into your belief system (even though its whack-tastic) and actually take a look at whether or not children are harmed by it.

Children are probably harmed more by your foolish remarks and homeschooling. Jesus horses are not what we call dinosaurs and I have rocks in my driveway and friends in science who can carbon date that can tell you that the world isn't just 4000 years old. It may have been Palin who said that first, but I'm pretty sure Bachmann rides the same Constitution covered, touring, promotional short bus as the former.

Are You There Tina? It's me, Alexis.

This past Tuesday was one the funnest day I've had in a long time. I use the term, "funnest," because it exemplifies the amount of fun (the most) and the childlike nature in which it was had.

The morning was slow. "How slow?" You might ask and I'd say take a trip back to your childhood. Imagine a time when you wanted something so much, a trip to Disney World (not Land), a Nintendo 64, a new Ninja Turtles bed sheets set or some fine china... Think about how you felt during the waiting period. The minutes feel like hours. The hours like days. Meals don't have taste. Sleep just isn't an option. My morning at work, reading scripts, seemed to last an eternity.

The clock struck fun.

I did some work then hopped in my car, "Lil Girl," and sped off to USC.

Crossing the street, I said hello to my friend A.K. "Hey, Alexis." He said, in the nicest Colorado way. "Hey, A.K." I replied. Then I saw them. I said to myself, "That guy looks like Andy Samberg. Hey, that guy is Andy Samberg." Yes, it was Mr. Dick In A Box himself, walking right next to Rashida Jones (The Office, I Love You Man, Parks and Recreation). I tried to be cool, I pointed back to them and told A.K., "Look!" Just then, Rashida turned around. So, I, in a most awkward and teapot fashion, swung my arm around and just kept my swagger.

Now, you might be wondering when I'm going to talk about Tina Fey. To this I say, hold your mo-fo-ing horses, okay. It was a big day and there's a lot of name dropping in this story because these people in L.A., for once, matter to ME. This story is about my day people, my day.

After this monumental embarrassment (on my end of course, she doesn't know me from Jack), I lined up with 22 other hopefuls on the 4th floor of the SCA halls. We all sat in packs, like nerdy wolves waiting for classic movie dinner. Then there they were, the first bit of fun in my day: TCM 2011 FILM FESTIVAL PASSES.

Quick complaint: Though I am excited to have these passes, that cost upward of $300 for non-USC SCA folk, I have to say last year's "Classic" passes were better than this year's "Matinee." What is this, amateur hour? Has the recession hit the SCA? I seriously doubt it. I say, give the people what they want so certain young ladies and gentlemen can hang with Alec Baldwin and Robert Osbourne.

Happiness continued. As I left the USC campus, I pictured myself as Ginger Rogers, with dark hair, of course and stumpier legs, but still... feathers. I glided across Jefferson, past the bus stop, dancing beyond the Bank of America and Subway into my two hub capped Scion.

I met my boyfriend, who I will call "Schmegg" to protect his identity, and we trekked two miles to the Nokia Theater.

Now, for all of you East Coasters reading this, I assume at least my Dad will check this out, so, Dad, L.A. Live is my least favorite thing in Los Angeles. It's worst than traffic and more vapid than the Kardashians. There are lights everywhere to attempt to distract you from realizing that it's gross and awful, the parking is overpriced and that there are Kings fans everywhere. I would say the only going for it is Schmegg drove.

We met up with some friends for dinner and beers at the Yard House. It was a lot of fun because my friends are crazy writers who love to have a good time and are nerdy enough to also obsess over Tina Fey and Steve Martin. Oh, look! The first glimpses into what I'm actually going to talk about. Sweet.

We walked over to the Nokia Theater, found our seats and realized we were supposed to have autographed books upon entry! Schmegg solved this, as not to let me totally freak out and get us kicked out or something dramatic.

My friends ended up sitting right next to us, which was crazy because the place was filled with 5,000 people (all net proceeds going to our local NPR station, KPCC!). The talk is part of a series called "Live Talks LA" and the link will take you to the video page, which soon, will probably host a video of Tina and Steve's interview.

The interview was amazing. They were both as funny as one could dream. Steve Martin asked fantastic questions and Tina Fey was answering them with quick wit, funny responses and dignity. To sound sappy and corny all at the same time, it was inspirational. They didn't destroy any pre-conceived notions about their personalities. They weren't awful or pandering, they were just fantastic.

Here is an sample of the interview until KPCC puts up the video (apologies to Schmegg who appears in the end of this video):

I decided that the event would be really difficult to convey in just my words alone. I can't tell you how excited and happy I was to be there and how awesome the experience was... So, I decided to do my own Q&A, on a less famous scale, with one of my friends who sat next to me during the show. His name is Greg-- Not Schmegg-- He's a different guy who's not my boyfriend (I'm too busy and tired to have more than one boyfriend, plus, what girl really wants that? That just sounds awful... Just another double standard in life and in polygamy). Here's that interview, conducted via email:

Alexis M: What was your favourite (yes, spelled that way) part of the evening?

Greg K: Standing three feet away from Tina Fey and being struck by her -- not sure if it was how gorgeous she looked, or that I was face-to-face with a personality I'd previously only seen on television -- but I was barely able to stammer that she was my hero before stumbling off.

AM: Who would you rather make out with: Tina Fey, Steve Martin or the CEO of KPCC?

GK: Being the CEO of a public radio station has got to put you on the bottom rung of upper-level management. That's like being the editor of an elementary school newsletter. So no to him, or her, whoever they are.

You'd probably expect me to say Steve Martin for comedic value, but I'm going to just go out there and say that I would obviously rather smooch Tina Fey, but that I think this question is far, far too personal. Having the audacity to ask such a prying question with such a perfunctory tone is insulting not only to my privacy, but also to the American sense of decency.

Speaking of, would you rather get fucked in the ass by Steve Martin, or Tina with a strap-on?

AM: I'd rather have high tea with them, you perv.

Did you see any other celebrities at the event?

GK: No, but I heard you did, and this sounds suspiciously like a quid pro quo question. Did you see any other celebrities at the event, Alexis?

AM: Yes. I will happily name drop that I saw Paula Pell (writer for SNL and 30 Rock), Judd Apatow, Catherine O'Hara and Martin Short... How the hell did you end up sitting next to me when we bought tickets separately?

GK: You bought your tickets after me. So, of course, it was a challenge. I had to hack my way into the Ticketmaster database using skills I picked up from repeated viewings of the 1995 cyberpunk masterpiece, Hackers. Then, upon discovering the seat that you had purchased, I went back in time, using knowledge I had picked up from repeated viewings of 1994 dystopian masterpiece, Timecop. Then it was as easy as selecting the seats nearest you. The whole scheme, of course, is just the beginning of my plan to steal you identity using a plan I picked up from repeated viewings of Single White Female. I already have an Alexis wig in my closet!

AM:What was your favourite audience asked question?

GK: Steve Martin is a comedy genius, and when someone asked Tina where she got her gorgeous leopard print heels, Martin launched into this amazing routine about his own loafers, and how when he had originally bought them they were too tight, but not after years of wearing them, they fit perfectly, and just when you thought it was over, he exclaims, "And the laces..." He had the whole audience in stitches from the first moment to the last.

AM: What was your least favourite audience asked question?

GK: I'm not a hater, so I refuse to answer this question: everyone who asked got their quandary answered (or at least presented to) one of the most talented comedy writers and performers alive, and I can't begrudge them for that.

Let me ask you a question: what question would you have asked if you got to ask a question?

AM: I would have

probably would have asked Tina if working in an all male environment makes it difficult to ask around for a tampon if you forget and

probably would have asked Steve if he would say "Don't trample the pansies," my favorite line from Father of the Bride 2...What is the cutest thing about Tina Fey? Steve Martin?

AM: Which of their books have you read?

GK: Instead of answering this question, I'm going to pose another to you: What is the cutest thing about me?

AM: Probably your ability to drool on your copy of Bossypants without destroying the Tina Fey autograph... Let's keep this on task, shall we..? What is your favourite piece of work created/starred in/ whatever'ed by Tina Fey and/or Steve Martin?

GK: 30 Rock itself is a masterpiece that I feel will stand the test of time. Several of Martin's movies are great, but his stand-up can't be beat. The albums, while missing the crucial visual aspect of these performances, are still amazing: Let's Get Small is a work of genius from the first moment to the last.

And also, the way you are spelling "favorite" makes me want to strangle a Canadian. Please stop.

Much like Greg, my favorite part of the evening had to be when an audience member asked Tina where she got her shoes and Steve intervened. It was so quick and magnificent. We were cracking up and it just proves, once again, that he is a comedic genius and that she is generous with her presence on stage and in comedy. My second favorite happened when he was reading out of her book and she just looked like a little kid on stage who couldn't believe that this stuff was actually happening.

I still will openly say, I want Tina Fey's job. That's right, Fey, I want it. But I will also say that my heroes are proving to be genuine human beings who are talented and should never be hugged by crazy fans inappropriately. I like the no hugging policy. It's something I can get behind.

That's what he said.

Burning a 3 Way Candle

First things first, you have to play this video while you read my post. This will give you a sense of what I do all the time (multitask) and will also give you a sense of the soundtrack to my life in this moment. Plus, it's a fucking awesome song.

So, once again I find myself blogging when I really should be working on this script. I want to work on the script. I've been reading and working on scripts (including this one) all day. I think this may be my problem. As my friend Stephanie just told me "You're burning the candle at both ends, except your candle has 3 sides." Stephanie is right and so are most of you who told me I'm overloading myself, I'll keep from using your real name, but it rhymes with Schmegg. You win. Blurgh.

I used to spell "Blurgh" with just a "g" at the end... I might return to that... I don't think I like that H... leave your comments to let me know what you think and then I'll smack you right back with my opinions, because let's face it, I love to do that.

Like I was saying, before you so rudely interrupted me, I'm supposed to be working on this script. I'm hoping that blogging will help loosen up whatever its going on upstairs in my brainland and help me write something funny. It's like the more I think about how much I have to do with it the more psyched out I get... a vicious cycle... a true white lady problem.

Let me tell you my life saving choice today. Listening to Tina Fey's new book "Bossypants" on the book on tape-esque option on my new Kindle... Thanks Jodi!

If you're going to read Tina Fey's book and you're in a car, this is the way to do it (especially since reading in the car is for the A. experience and B. retarded).

The woman's robotic voice is just makes words like "lesbian," "b-hole" and "very, very, very, very, very" all that much better. She also can't pronounce "Bossypants" it resembles the way you would say "participant" instead of "Bossy-pants." Amazing.

This is a great pastime for East to West then West to East traffic time and the occasional loop North. I can read without reading and I'm not eating into time I would be doing anything other than listening to NPR, singing Whitney Houston songs out loud or of course, speaking with loved ones illegally on my DROID (If you've been around me when my phone is on you know what I'm talking about).

The low points of my day were kind of frequent today, but nothing 3rd world... or were they? Maybe the 3rd world does want to cry when they're Ray Bans hit the ground and kind of get a little messed up. Maybe people walking from village to village are worried about Beverly Hills being over the top. Maybe countries with little to no drinking water do stress about "is my 434 script funny enough and why can't I just fucking write it and be a good writer like all the super smart people I go to school with?" Yeah, they probably worry about these things. Sorry, guys, I have no advice because we deal with these issues as well in the US. It's a real shame.

Have I finished bitching? No... What are you crazy?! I could complain all day... give me a subject... I'll improvise... I'll "yes and" that shit 'til the cows come home... I'll complain about the cows coming home... I don't have room for cows in my shitty studio apartment at

123 murder street, LA CA 900***

Gotcha.

My last complaint before I go do actual work... and if anyone gives me shit about doing this and not doing actual work tomorrow I might kill them on the spot...

Tina Fey is pregnant. WTF.

I was so proud of her for not sharing this kind of information and complaining about it endlessly in The New Yorker-- because I love reading the New Yorker and if anyone feels moved enough to get me a subscription or give me your old magazines... do it. I love that shit.

Oh, well. I guess it's okay. I mean, pregnancy is weird. It's like alien or the end of Spaceballs... but choices... and only children are weird (yeah, you heard me) so I guess props to them. Blurg (no "h").

I Stoled This.

I stole this quiz from my new favorite blog... http://kenlevine.blogspot.com/ it's run by Ken Levine who is a comedy writer and HILARIOUS. He not only writes about my favorite things, but also about my FAVORITE THINGS.

So I'm doing the quiz he had on his blog... because I'm cool and out to prove it.

• A-Available/Single? No.

• B-Best Friend? Carol. My sister will be mad at this... but sisters don't count in this quiz.
• C-Cake or Pie? Both... on the same plate.
• D-Drink Of Choice? Iced tea and for late night, more Iced tea
• E-Essential Item You Use Everyday? My keys, they get my in and out of my apt. When I lost them that one (2) time, my life sucked.
• F-Favorite Color? Green or Red. If you're color blind, this is the same.
• G-Gummy Bears Or Worms? Both, in the same bag.
• H-Hometown? Easton
• I-Indulgence? Hillstone restaurants. I love beet burgers and their fries. Bandera has the best drink on earth and R+D has the best Martini (that my cousin named.
• J-January Or February? November.
• K-Kids & Their Names? Never going to happen. Adopted. Doggie.
• M-Marriage Date? Never? Not soon? June 4th?
• N-Number Of Siblings? 1
• O-Oranges Or Apples? Both, in the same lunch bag.
• P-Phobias/Fears? Everything? I'm like the Woody Allen of girls.
• Q-Favorite Quote? Deeds not words.
• R-Reason to Smile? Everything. Oh, and The Dick Van Dyke Show
• S-Season? November sweeps.
• T-Tag Three or Four People? why? So they can know how cool I am?
• U-Unknown Fact About Me? I kick with my left foot.
• V-Vegetable you don't like? Stephen Hawkins, sike, Fennel.
• W-Worst Habit? Too wound up (What if I had said "Pooping myself?")

• X-X-rays You've Had? Teeth, ankle, head, neck, pelvis ... is this the only x word someone could think of?
• Y-Your Favorite Food? Yummy Pasta or my Mom's Pasta Salad. Oh, and a salad with it.
• Z-Zodiac Sign? Sagittarius

Self Editing

Right now I'm working on editing/re-writing my Modern Family spec for the Nickelodeon Fellowship.

Well, not right now, because I thought, once again, that writing in my blog might free up some creativity that's staying dormant in my brain.

I think I may have figured out an organization problem, so this might help to make my script better... this leads me to what I'm going to talk about... Editing.

Now, I'm living a privilaged life. I won't hide it. I go to USC... I'm a brat. I worked pretty hard to get here and continue to do so, but my problems are like, "I can't think of anything funny." or "I don't want to eat pb&j I want Freshii today." These aren't real problems. They're my problems, and really the funny thing can be an issue when that's how you want to make a living, but they're not like, "I don't have food." or "I don't have a family that cares." They care. They care a lot.

You're probably, at this point, like, "Shut up then." Well, you shut up.

Last night Paul Hirsch came to talk to my John Hughes writing class. If you don't know who he is, you should IMDB him. He's edited a lot of impressive work: Star Wars, Carrie, Ferris Bueller, Planes, Trains and Automobiles, among others.

Hearing him talk about his work and working with John Hughes was inspirational but just like any other time we have impressive people speak-- it's intimidating as well. He loves what he does and says to do things you love otherwise you'll get frustrated. He's good at what he does, he gets to say this.

The frustration and intimidation comes into play when I'm sitting in the WGA Library trying to rewrite a script that is for a fellowship that I have a very slim chance getting. I do it anyway because you have to play to win, to whineand to hopefully succeed.

I just want to write funny things, but how does one know they're funny? I hope I'm not one of those people who "think they're funny." You know, like when someone doesn't get Michael Scott on The Office because they're that character... I don't want to suck the funny out of the room... I want to pump it in there like a Swedish made penis enlarger... or a pump.

I'm hoping that Improv class tonight will help me expel some of the daemons that are living in my eyeballs today.

This week is poopy. Maybe I should just sit in a corner and cry it out? Nah, that would be quite a sight and probably pretty inappropriate here at the WGA. Their walls are glass so all of Miracle Mile would see me hunched over sobbing... I'll save it for when I have money, it might make Star Magazine... or the NYtimes like Chris Lee-- did you guys see that?!

Just when you think Egypt is the only thing to care about... blamo... the GOP does something that is the equivilant to a Zales diamond...

The next part of this blog will be called... Smart Guy: Chris Lee.

Chris Lee... so you're a smart guy. I mean you're a Congressman. You went to University of Rodchester and then Chapman University... you didn't get your partying out there?

Chris, did you think to maybe ask someone in your district, maybe an intern, what they think about Criagslist? Or maybe what they think about sending topless "phone pix" to people they like?

Your interns are probably working their asses off to make sure you don't see shit on Facebook. They're probably contacting friends from undergrad to ask them to please untag those embarrassing Cabo photos. No one knows your interns. No one voted for them.

Are you auditioning for the Jersey Shore? You might want to send MTV or FoxNews your resume... isn't that where trashy people go to die? Like Elliot Spitzer? I mean... you could co-host.

I hope John Boehner sheds a tear for your intelligence. It would be one of the few tears worth seeing. I hope Nancy Pelosi comes to your house and smacks you across the face.

I hope Obama sends you a picture of him shirtless and shows you how it's fucking done.

You'll probably crawl out of this hole, Chirs, I don't worry about that. I mean, now people really know who you are and that you work out.

Luckily you live in the land of Kardashians, Schwartzennegers and Johnny MacEnroe. No worries... just keep being rich and retarded.

Wow... that made me feel so much better! I'm going to go write some Modern Family now. Feel free to comment ;) Or if you know someone-- send this shit. I feel like Chris Lee needs to see it.

Posting

I haven't blogged in a while. Not on this blog, not on my Ingrid Bergman blog... not on a stranger's blog... not blogging.

School and such hasn't allowed for it.

I had a shitty day today. It was the kind of day where everything was a beat off. Then I lost my keys. Everything went to pot.

I had to walk to the rental office, walk to my friend's house for my spare car key and walk home. I was steaming on this walk. I was pissed and annoyed. My back hurts from carrying a heavy bookbag around.

I realize now, though this day was crappy, it wasn't that bad. I have good things going on... one of which is working on a bio for the Nickelodeon Fellowship.

I'm hoping that writing this post is going to help me loosen up some of the hang ups I've had while writing this bio. It has to be funny, it has to be creatively written, well written and articulate why I'd be a good candidate to write comedy TV for Nickelodeon for a year.

I'd love to just stroll up to them and say... "BECAUSE IT'S BEEN MY DREAM SINCE I FIGURED OUT TV WASN'T JUST TINY PEOPLE IN A BOX."

But that's what gets you escorted off the property.

I'd love to tell them, "BECAUSE MY MOM TOLD ME I CAN DO WHATEVER I PUT MY MIND TO." They'd probably correct my grammar and escort me off the property.

I could tell them, "I FINISHED THE DAMN REQUIREMENTS NOW LET ME IN!"

That's what I intend to do.

I have to have a bio, an application and a TV 1/2 hour spec (with one or two in reserves) just to get a first interview.

I've written a 1st draft of a "Modern Family" and I've been thinking of creative ways to articulate my strange, yet hilarious journey to my 26 year old self.

I bet you're wanting to know what's going on with me personally or in school.

Well, I'm not going to tell you about my personal life now. I'll tell you that I'm taking a ton of classes and writing more than ever (just not online). I am in love with television, though this isn't a new thing. I'm pretty sure I don't talk like I'm from the Eastern Shore or Maryland really because of television (thanks TV I love you.)

I read a fantastic article in the New Yorker today by Tina Fey. It was shear inspiration. I wish I could pull a Donald Glover and she could just discover me and we could eat french fries and make fun of people who walk by all day long. Then I could go work at SNL and occasionally something at Sesame Street... No big deal.

Until that happens though, I will continue to work my hands to the bone getting my work read and my comedy to the people.

Don't forget to laugh.

Contribution to My Film Career: The Girl Who Can Turn the World On With Her Smile

I have opened a new tumblr account that is dedicated to Mary Tyler Moore.

I'm sure you are aware of my obsession with MTM, because, as you should know, she is FREAKTASTICALLY AMAZING.

I want to share something with everyone because it relates to my life, my choice of career, my childhood and Mary Tyler Moore (among other marvelous influences in my life...)

I mentioned Tumblr because I was searching for content about the MTM Show (so that other fans can not only visit my page but also have MTM influence in their blogs/lives) and I came across this video:

Now this video doesn't do much. It's simply a line up of classic television shows, but to me, it is a menu of greatness.

When I was about 2 or 3 years old, I saw what opened my blue eyes to Classic television... the opening credits of Bewitched. I distinctly remember walking up to the television, which was kept in this HUGE brown entertainment center (I loved the glass door that had a "popping-magnet") and looked into the television. I tried to figure out where this was coming from, but couldn't be torn away from the beautiful glory that was Bewitched.

Fast forward to Alexis at age 7. Now, officially a product of the United State Air Force family, a bit strange, but loving television like a loyal friend.

I loved Bewitched. I lived for it. At that young age, I arranged for my bedtime to be pushed back by a half hour in order to stay up and watch. I remember that it was I Dream of Jeannie, Bewitched, I Love Lucy and then Mary Tyler Moore.-- this changed through out the years, but this year, it was crucial to my lifestyle.

I had to do well in school, stay out of trouble, be nice and share with my sister, get my homework done (which if you ask my mother, in 3rd grade, for some reason, we had a SHIT TON of spelling word homework--yet I still can't spell.) and be quiet during the shows. The quieter I was during my favorite programs, the likelier it was for me to be able to stay up past bedtime and watch the other shows!

The shows altered-- Gilligan's Island was on at one point, Get Smart, The Dick Van Dyke Show... all of which I gazed into, admired and memorized... but there's a key factor here that we forget as we get older... perspective.

Now I see Bewitched as an example of a woman breaking boundaries; mixed marriage, differences, family issues, breaking conventions, etc.
Back then: Bewitched was a pretty lady who was funny, could travel by snapping her fingers, had the world at her finger tips and glamorous clothing.

I thought ...Jeannie was great too-- but not as good (I still hold this opinion high).

I Love Lucy, well, it speaks for itself. It's fantastic- though I never was into it as much-- I've never been very good at going with the majorities' flow...

The point, I guess, to all of this is The Mary Tyler Moore Show.

When I was little, I remember thinking the song was great. I thought she was a pretty lady, with great clothes, a funny friend, a job and an apartment. Nothing really to write home about.

The show was boring to a 7 year old trying to stay up for the next round of classics to be re-run re-runs at 12:30am. Why would we watch a girl who goes to work, then goes home?

Fast forward again-- after all of the papers I managed to crank out in college about women in television... siting Bewitched in immeasurable amounts as well as 30 Rock and SNL, I never, until last year, revisited Mary Tyler Moore.

To a bourgeoning feminist-- this is the Bible. She is Moses... well she's Moses' friend Mary, because we all know that Rhoda would claim herself Moses. This show is the best television writing, the best writers, women and men working in a time of great importance to my generation and making it look so fun and beautiful.

I love these shows. They have been good friends to me. I guess I just wanted to write about it a little.

I'd also like to thank my parents-- because I know that you know that I know you let me stay up and watch these shows-- and yes, it was for my own good. Thank you immensely! I love you for it and other reasons.

Well, I'm going to go absorb some more classic television... thank you Netflix! :)

"The world was waiting just for you..."

My dog, Sadie May, was put down on Sunday.

This has really effected me deeply. She was my best friend. She was there for me and was a loyal pal. We rescued her from the pound on October 7, 1997. She, like me, wasn't warm at first. We both took our time to get to know one another and both agreed that we were the bosses of Erin.

Sadie was a goof. She would do the best tricks. I would say "What do we do in Vietnam?" and she would get down and do a low crawl for a treat. It was the funniest trick and a great time. She was always there to hang out with me. I'm a homebody and just like staying in and watching television, writing on the computer, watching movies and reading. Sadie was either laying on my feet or right there beside me. She was a big fan of whatever I was obsessed with at the time. She never judged me for being a little weird or trying to do something outside the box. If I cried, she was there to lend a soft ear and a wag of her tail. She didn't lick, unless you had soap or peanut butter on your hand. She loved pillows, blankets and couches. "Sunny spots" were areas of the house that she would frequent and boy was she obnoxious when it came within 15 minutes of her food time.

I guess we get used to having our little furry friends under foot. I don't think we take them for granted, but we sure don't devote as much time to them as they do to us. I can't think of any times, even if she had been at the kennel, when I felt Sadie was mad at me. Though I definitely pitched fits towards her.

I'm going to miss giving her nicknames... I think she racked up at least 100. My "Derz" as I would affectionately refer to her, was a shy soul. She was a great story. She was thrown from a moving truck. Rescued by a guy. Rescued by us and enjoyed a life filled with treats and adventures. Though she shook like a leaf in the car, she would give anything to go to a lacrosse game or a road trip with the family.

All of my friends knew Sadie. They would show her love and she loved them. Carol scared the shit out of her one time and we laughed for hours. She would only bark twice at the sight of John then realizing it was one of her favorite people. She hated tall bald men, Pop pop never quite won her over... Pa did... with one swift swat with a newspaper to set her straight. She loved him. She was there for me when they passed.

I sit here with tears rolling down my cheek because I don't like the finite nature of death. I don't know what happens to us or our animal friends when we stop ticking. I don't know what happens at all. I feel like I'm being melodramatic, but how else to you act when you lose something that has stolen such a large chunk of your heart?

I know I wish Sadie were here watching MTM with me. I know she wouldn't care how hard I laughed or how many times we'd watch the same episodes just so I could memorize the details I would like to know inside and out.

I was able to say goodbye to her. She even skyped and reacted to my voice.

I am going to miss her a lot and this week is going to be hard, especially since she's who I'd call upon for a snuggle.

I guess I can't say anything else. I'd just go on for hours. I've posted this song here that always makes me think of Sadie. It has her name in it and it's hilarious... the reason why it reminds me of her.
The song is "Sexy Sadie" by the Beatles. I think it's great because Sadie was anything but sexy. She was funny, quirky and cute. She hated to be snuggled but loved to snuggle on her terms. I respect that.

This is for you Sadie. I miss you already and I love you so much.

Video-- I'm A Lazy Blogger

Update: Lex in L.A.

Torn between the real and unreal, reality and fiction, life and dreams, Alexis marches on. Always to the beat of her own drum, always to the tune of her own horn and always dancing. L.A.'s dirty streets don't provide the comforts of home. Adjustments have to be made. Phone calls are her only touch with family and the East Coast and the warm home she has known for so long. Life is new and exciting, but can be sent into overflow at anytime.

You see that? A little freestylin' there. That's for you Grandma... creative writing. I know there's probably grammatical errors or something for you to proof... that's what I like about you. That and you've got spunk. ("I hate spunk.")

I don't remember the last time I wrote in the blog, but I think it was about zebras on your face, so I'll just write about whatever comes to mind... these days there's not room for much other than film information, techniques and text.

I have been gathering years worth of information in these past couple weeks. The amount leads to mental exhaustion, but boy is it fun. We have learned incredible amounts about combining technical skills, storytelling, history, art form and etiquette to make a successful film(s). I love it here. I have basically been waking up, walking to classes, learning, working on editing, shoots, writing, reading or plotting out the next assignment; then going to grab something quick to eat (generally after 3 granola bars during the day... this might be an exaggeration but I don't want you to worry about my habits. Lol), then I come home, do more work, check facebook and my email 30 times to keep in touch with my classmates and family, watch several episodes of the Mary Tyler Moore Show and then pass out. Repeat Monday-Thursday (sometimes Friday).

The weekends have been for working on "508 Productions" which are the film short shoots for the class a semester ahead of us (I'm in 507). These are great fun! It's where I've put what I've learned in class, mixed with a bit of common sense, to work. I learn tons on set and have a great time.

This is Farruk and Me sitting in so Talia can set up a shot.

This is me pushing the dolly. That's Evan, the director and Talia, the DP.

This is me waiting for the next shot, crossing my eyes like a champ.

This is me watching the action...

This past Saturday I went to see Justine Ciarrocchi play her sweet tunes. She is very talented and I hope to sway her into letting me shoot a music video or I need to get her to put some music in some of my films. I'll just keep pressuring this little bitch until she gives in... you know you want to Justine...

We also had our first house party here on Magnolia Ave.

Jenna, my roommate and I bought lights to put on our roof and our patio.

(Jenna @jennalynnhicks and our friend Stephen @StephenJGibler ... follow them on twitter...)

Tyler had bought a grill and he helped us string the lights. The party was a success! It lasted into the wee hours of the morning and I think everyone had a blast! :)

Here are some pics of the party and the lights. I've been really into playing with lights lately, so keep this in mind for the latter half of this post...

Me at the party... who's that cutie in the back? JESS ZUTZ!

That's Tyler, who has such an inner and outer glow... and his girlfriend Michelle. (It was Tyler's birthday so the party was really in honor of his birth)

Our new patio furniture and lights

"Flashing...Lights!"

Fake bamboo plant with pretty lights... these are now in my room. Lol.

I love lights.

On Sunday, I decided that despite my fatigue, I was going to be pro-active and cook up some "yummy pasta."

Now, for all of you who didn't live with me at Sarah and Jay's house... which is everyone... "yummy pasta" is a mixture of the best things in life. It's like if Mac and Cheese, Pizza and Spaghetti had a really beautiful baby... in some crazy mixed up way... it would be "yummy pasta."
Sarah makes it the best, but she gave me the recipe and told me how to do it during our kitchen talks in Salisbury... so I actually accomplished it quite nicely. The 7 or 8 servings proved to be the perfect meal for not only myself, but my roommates, my sister (she's visiting) and left overs! It's all gone now, but I'm quite proud of my culinary endeavors.

THE CHEF!

The ingredients!

COOKIN'

Chicken for everyone else... Tofu for me...PROTIEN!

"Yummy Pasta!"( Thanks Sarah for the recipe.)

I was describing how I've been really into lights, well, while I was reading a script for my 507 Directing lab... "Silkwood" recreation scene... I decided to play around with the lighting in my room. If you'd like to see more of these pictures, I'm posting them on my flickr.com page.

This is just a sample of what some of them look like. They're kind of weird because I'm taking photos of myself, but they're basically morphing light to get different effects in the same areas with just using a curtain to block.

Though there are tons of tales to tell (alliteration aside) to hear them you'll have to talk to me in person or leave me comments! The comments make me write more blogs... otherwise, I gots things to do.

I do have a little video I need to edit from when Jenna and I went to watch the actors arrive at the Screen Actor's Guild Awards... but I have to learn Avid first because Final Cut Pro is messing me up right now... it's like learning Italian when you know Spanish... some things are the same, but there are tiny little nuances that have to be dealt with... and that means leaving one alone for a while and learning the other... so Avid... you're gonna be my bitch.

Please comment and thank you for reading! I love you all!

Alexis :)

"Control Your Zebras"

A metaphor for this past week.

I am a piece of cardboard. I absorb water, but little by little. If you pour too much water on me, it puddles on the top of me and will soon fill my pores. Until it does, it sits there. If there is too much water, it drips through.

This week has been like a bucket of water thrown on me.

It's refreshing, but a lot.

Today was my day of realization. It rained thanks to El Niño and this caused me to be slightly emo about the whole week and things that have happened in the past month.

It just hit me today that I moved across the country, started film school, had a family member pass away, have no loan money (as of yet. F the BofA), and I'm not used to this lifestyle yet.

I haven't cried. I haven't really felt like that... it's just the sense of being overwhelmed and a complete change. I love it here and I wouldn't have it any other way. I'm trying to let my control freak mind know that I can't control jack right now--ride the wave.

Well, on a more cheerful note I want to tell you that in film you never want zebras on your actor's face.

It causes problems...

Awkward shots...

Makes their faces disappear and they won't be happy...

This is something I learned this week. It actually not REAL zebras. That's silly. It's when your actor's face disappears because there is too much light, or the light is too hot, on their face.

The "zebras" are the stripes that appear on the LCD screen on the camera. On set, "Zebras" should always be turned on.

Aren't all of these double entendres great?! I just keep thinking of cartoon zebras and zebra stickers. God I love my craft.

This past weekend we went out in downtown L.A. I got to party right next to Angel's Flight (aka the park where Tom and Summer go in (500) Days of Summer go to sit on benches and play the "penis" game). We also went to the bar where they sing karaoke in that flick. Let's just say I was PUMPED! The only disappointment was that it's not actually a karaoke bar-- much to about 90% of our crowd's dismay. There was a band though and it was fun.

Well I have to get going now... work to be done... classes again tomorrow-- OH and I'm directing our first in-class project-- AWESOME!!!

Hope everyone is doing well-- please feel free to leave me how you're doing in the comments... I'd like to hear from everyone...

"PENIS!" (Sorry Grandma---it's in the movie.)

My First Day of Film School

This is a picture of me on my first day of film school. It resembles the type of picture we used to take every day on the first day of school.

For example, here's one of Julia on her first day of Pre-school (since I don't have any adorable pictures of yours truly. LOL)

It's fun to do these, I recommend it.

On to my day...

I woke up ready to roll. My roommates and I all walked together to our first class, Concepts of Cinematic Production (to which I might refer to as 510). This class is taught by Pablo Frasconi and Tomlison Holman. This class seems like it will teach us all the language of film, production, direction and sound. It involved the entire Spring 2010 class, and we each had to give a 1 minute autobiographical introduction. I almost barfed all over the microphone.

Though I wasn't first or even last, I was incredibly nervous. I am fine with getting in front of people when I'm singing, acting, improvising, giving a speech, answering questions-- sure it makes me nervous, but I get over THAT. This, this was talking about myself!! I can't do that. My statement of purpose took me like 2 months to finally write on paper! I can give you stories about life all day, but if you want me to tell you my accomplishments, I can't just list them... who does that?!

So after my "speech" which involved me plugging my Ingrid Bergman blog and looking like a total idiot in front of everyone (does anyone doubt that I'm the Mary? If you do, feel free to email me because I'd love to hear otherwise. LOL), we watched some film clips and learned some concepts. That was exhausting!

I walked home after class and sat down to eat some lunch, pizza, in front of the television. Now, though this pizza wasn't very good, it was still pizza, which is one of my favorite things on this earth. When I turned the channel, Bewitched was on! Well, what a great way to continue my first day of film school. I'd like to credit Bewitched with my first cognizance of what I wanted to be when I grew up: A witch. Well, once I found out that magic isn't necessarily probable or even possible (and generally creepy) I figured the next best step was learning how to make magic-- aka Film/Television. Signed, sealed, delivered...I'm yours, film.

Watching Bewitched, eating pizza, all after my first film class, could this day get better? Yes.

My other class of the day was a meeting for 507, my Production-1 class. My SA, Dennis, was awesome. He gave us instructions with great detail and was completely on our side. A fantastic reminder of why we pay so much to go here.

The class is filled with people I have come to be friends with and more friends to come. It is also taught by Jim McBride, who is a director and has done many films (if you want to know what, follow the link on his name).

This class was interesting. A little hard to follow at first because Jim is new and we are as well. Once we got going, though, it was fine. It became even better after our 15 minute break. The first film we were analyzing shots of was: Notorious! I was totally geeking out.

This seemed like a sure sign that I am in the right place right now. I mean, for real?!

The day was a great one.

Though I have to end on a sad note. My Aunt Mary passed away last night after a long battle with cancer. Ingrid Bergman once said "Cancer victims who don't accept their own fate, who don't learn to live with it, will only destroy what little time they have left." Aunt Mary wouldn't speak to us about her cancer, she just lived everyday for the best. She was a great supporter of mine and was a huge maternal influence on my Mom and her sisters. We will all miss her very much but it is good to know her suffering is over.

Thank you for reading.

"This is no Longer a Vacation, This is a Quest..."

Today is the day it all changes. We have orientation this afternoon and I'm jumping out of my pants excited. This week has been spectacular and I can't wait to be the busiest person you know.

There's a rooster in my neighborhood, and I think he's not a pet, I think he's potential lunch for someone. But I love that, for now, there's a rooster in my neighborhood.

I'd like to thank some of my influences... no not you family and friends... these are the people who've shown us why film and television are so important.

"Love Me Tender"

Thanks Emily Davison.

Now switching gears... I have a funny "hollywood" anecdote from a friend of mine... a shoutout to her because she also follows my blogs... which any blogger appreciates the littlest bit of attention (OR ALL OF IT).

Last night I was hanging out with a bunch of people from my program and one of them, who for her privacy and because of an inside joke, I'll call her "Sarah" (original like Mary right?). "Sarah" was telling me about her time at Fox Searchlight as an intern. She told me about how she got to see all of this year's best films, in my opinion that is, before they were released... too cool! One of her stories involved the following: bathroom, gum and Emily Deschanel.

Now, knowing me, you'd probably say, "Wow, already I know this story is going to strike Alexis because she loves all of those things." I'd say, "You don't know me trick. Stay out of my business. So what I post that on the internet, you don't know me." Then I would reluctantly say, "You're right."

"Sarah" was a bit on the woozy-hungover-pants side of things and feeling like the only route to go that day was to, as the kids say "pull the trigger." This of course, for all of you adults out there, means she forced herself to throw up the poisons from the night before. Never pleasant, but sometimes has the best results.

Now, where "Sarah" worked was right next to the Fox lots and they share the building with some of the people working on shows. "Sarah" was coming out of the stall when a woman popped out of the stall next to her. It was Emily Deschanel.

Emily proceeded to tell "Sarah" that she's "a beautiful person," to which "Sarah" was shocked. The star of Bones thought she had an eating disorder. Emily then offered "Sarah" a piece of gum as she was leaving the bathroom.

So although Emily Deschanel, aka, Dr. Temperence Brennan, aka, "Bones" thought "Sarah" had an eating disorder, she was nice and didn't know "Sarah" was actually hung over as hell.

Thank you for reading "Sarah" LMAO.

That's all I'm going to write for now. I have a big day and I need to nap a little. My parents know, they always told me to do this. I could never nap as a child. Still can't really do it, but I'll at least watch some TV or something.