This past Tuesday was one the funnest day I've had in a long time. I use the term, "funnest," because it exemplifies the amount of fun (the most) and the childlike nature in which it was had.
The morning was slow. "How slow?" You might ask and I'd say take a trip back to your childhood. Imagine a time when you wanted something so much, a trip to Disney World (not Land), a Nintendo 64, a new Ninja Turtles bed sheets set or some fine china... Think about how you felt during the waiting period. The minutes feel like hours. The hours like days. Meals don't have taste. Sleep just isn't an option. My morning at work, reading scripts, seemed to last an eternity.
The clock struck fun.
I did some work then hopped in my car, "Lil Girl," and sped off to USC.
Crossing the street, I said hello to my friend A.K. "Hey, Alexis." He said, in the nicest Colorado way. "Hey, A.K." I replied. Then I saw them. I said to myself, "That guy looks like Andy Samberg. Hey, that guy is Andy Samberg." Yes, it was Mr. Dick In A Box himself, walking right next to Rashida Jones (The Office, I Love You Man, Parks and Recreation). I tried to be cool, I pointed back to them and told A.K., "Look!" Just then, Rashida turned around. So, I, in a most awkward and teapot fashion, swung my arm around and just kept my swagger.
Now, you might be wondering when I'm going to talk about Tina Fey. To this I say, hold your mo-fo-ing horses, okay. It was a big day and there's a lot of name dropping in this story because these people in L.A., for once, matter to ME. This story is about my day people, my day.
After this monumental embarrassment (on my end of course, she doesn't know me from Jack), I lined up with 22 other hopefuls on the 4th floor of the SCA halls. We all sat in packs, like nerdy wolves waiting for classic movie dinner. Then there they were, the first bit of fun in my day: TCM 2011 FILM FESTIVAL PASSES.
Quick complaint: Though I am excited to have these passes, that cost upward of $300 for non-USC SCA folk, I have to say last year's "Classic" passes were better than this year's "Matinee." What is this, amateur hour? Has the recession hit the SCA? I seriously doubt it. I say, give the people what they want so certain young ladies and gentlemen can hang with Alec Baldwin and Robert Osbourne.
Happiness continued. As I left the USC campus, I pictured myself as Ginger Rogers, with dark hair, of course and stumpier legs, but still... feathers. I glided across Jefferson, past the bus stop, dancing beyond the Bank of America and Subway into my two hub capped Scion.
I met my boyfriend, who I will call "Schmegg" to protect his identity, and we trekked two miles to the Nokia Theater.
Now, for all of you East Coasters reading this, I assume at least my Dad will check this out, so, Dad, L.A. Live is my least favorite thing in Los Angeles. It's worst than traffic and more vapid than the Kardashians. There are lights everywhere to attempt to distract you from realizing that it's gross and awful, the parking is overpriced and that there are Kings fans everywhere. I would say the only going for it is Schmegg drove.
We met up with some friends for dinner and beers at the Yard House. It was a lot of fun because my friends are crazy writers who love to have a good time and are nerdy enough to also obsess over Tina Fey and Steve Martin. Oh, look! The first glimpses into what I'm actually going to talk about. Sweet.
We walked over to the Nokia Theater, found our seats and realized we were supposed to have autographed books upon entry! Schmegg solved this, as not to let me totally freak out and get us kicked out or something dramatic.
My friends ended up sitting right next to us, which was crazy because the place was filled with 5,000 people (all net proceeds going to our local NPR station, KPCC!). The talk is part of a series called "Live Talks LA" and the link will take you to the video page, which soon, will probably host a video of Tina and Steve's interview.
The interview was amazing. They were both as funny as one could dream. Steve Martin asked fantastic questions and Tina Fey was answering them with quick wit, funny responses and dignity. To sound sappy and corny all at the same time, it was inspirational. They didn't destroy any pre-conceived notions about their personalities. They weren't awful or pandering, they were just fantastic.
Here is an sample of the interview until KPCC puts up the video (apologies to Schmegg who appears in the end of this video):
I decided that the event would be really difficult to convey in just my words alone. I can't tell you how excited and happy I was to be there and how awesome the experience was... So, I decided to do my own Q&A, on a less famous scale, with one of my friends who sat next to me during the show. His name is Greg-- Not Schmegg-- He's a different guy who's not my boyfriend (I'm too busy and tired to have more than one boyfriend, plus, what girl really wants that? That just sounds awful... Just another double standard in life and in polygamy). Here's that interview, conducted via email:
Alexis M: What was your favourite (yes, spelled that way) part of the evening?
Greg K: Standing three feet away from Tina Fey and being struck by her -- not sure if it was how gorgeous she looked, or that I was face-to-face with a personality I'd previously only seen on television -- but I was barely able to stammer that she was my hero before stumbling off.
AM: Who would you rather make out with: Tina Fey, Steve Martin or the CEO of KPCC?
GK: Being the CEO of a public radio station has got to put you on the bottom rung of upper-level management. That's like being the editor of an elementary school newsletter. So no to him, or her, whoever they are.
You'd probably expect me to say Steve Martin for comedic value, but I'm going to just go out there and say that I would obviously rather smooch Tina Fey, but that I think this question is far, far too personal. Having the audacity to ask such a prying question with such a perfunctory tone is insulting not only to my privacy, but also to the American sense of decency.
Speaking of, would you rather get fucked in the ass by Steve Martin, or Tina with a strap-on?
AM: I'd rather have high tea with them, you perv.
Did you see any other celebrities at the event?
GK: No, but I heard you did, and this sounds suspiciously like a quid pro quo question. Did you see any other celebrities at the event, Alexis?
AM: Yes. I will happily name drop that I saw Paula Pell (writer for SNL and 30 Rock), Judd Apatow, Catherine O'Hara and Martin Short... How the hell did you end up sitting next to me when we bought tickets separately?
GK: You bought your tickets after me. So, of course, it was a challenge. I had to hack my way into the Ticketmaster database using skills I picked up from repeated viewings of the 1995 cyberpunk masterpiece, Hackers. Then, upon discovering the seat that you had purchased, I went back in time, using knowledge I had picked up from repeated viewings of 1994 dystopian masterpiece, Timecop. Then it was as easy as selecting the seats nearest you. The whole scheme, of course, is just the beginning of my plan to steal you identity using a plan I picked up from repeated viewings of Single White Female. I already have an Alexis wig in my closet!
AM:What was your favourite audience asked question?
GK: Steve Martin is a comedy genius, and when someone asked Tina where she got her gorgeous leopard print heels, Martin launched into this amazing routine about his own loafers, and how when he had originally bought them they were too tight, but not after years of wearing them, they fit perfectly, and just when you thought it was over, he exclaims, "And the laces..." He had the whole audience in stitches from the first moment to the last.
AM: What was your least favourite audience asked question?
GK: I'm not a hater, so I refuse to answer this question: everyone who asked got their quandary answered (or at least presented to) one of the most talented comedy writers and performers alive, and I can't begrudge them for that.
Let me ask you a question: what question would you have asked if you got to ask a question?
AM: I would have
probably would have asked Tina if working in an all male environment makes it difficult to ask around for a tampon if you forget and
probably would have asked Steve if he would say "Don't trample the pansies," my favorite line from Father of the Bride 2...What is the cutest thing about Tina Fey? Steve Martin?
AM: Which of their books have you read?
GK: Instead of answering this question, I'm going to pose another to you: What is the cutest thing about me?
AM: Probably your ability to drool on your copy of Bossypants without destroying the Tina Fey autograph... Let's keep this on task, shall we..? What is your favourite piece of work created/starred in/ whatever'ed by Tina Fey and/or Steve Martin?
GK: 30 Rock itself is a masterpiece that I feel will stand the test of time. Several of Martin's movies are great, but his stand-up can't be beat. The albums, while missing the crucial visual aspect of these performances, are still amazing: Let's Get Small is a work of genius from the first moment to the last.
And also, the way you are spelling "favorite" makes me want to strangle a Canadian. Please stop.
Much like Greg, my favorite part of the evening had to be when an audience member asked Tina where she got her shoes and Steve intervened. It was so quick and magnificent. We were cracking up and it just proves, once again, that he is a comedic genius and that she is generous with her presence on stage and in comedy. My second favorite happened when he was reading out of her book and she just looked like a little kid on stage who couldn't believe that this stuff was actually happening.
I still will openly say, I want Tina Fey's job. That's right, Fey, I want it. But I will also say that my heroes are proving to be genuine human beings who are talented and should never be hugged by crazy fans inappropriately. I like the no hugging policy. It's something I can get behind.
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