Burning a 3 Way Candle

First things first, you have to play this video while you read my post. This will give you a sense of what I do all the time (multitask) and will also give you a sense of the soundtrack to my life in this moment. Plus, it's a fucking awesome song.

So, once again I find myself blogging when I really should be working on this script. I want to work on the script. I've been reading and working on scripts (including this one) all day. I think this may be my problem. As my friend Stephanie just told me "You're burning the candle at both ends, except your candle has 3 sides." Stephanie is right and so are most of you who told me I'm overloading myself, I'll keep from using your real name, but it rhymes with Schmegg. You win. Blurgh.

I used to spell "Blurgh" with just a "g" at the end... I might return to that... I don't think I like that H... leave your comments to let me know what you think and then I'll smack you right back with my opinions, because let's face it, I love to do that.

Like I was saying, before you so rudely interrupted me, I'm supposed to be working on this script. I'm hoping that blogging will help loosen up whatever its going on upstairs in my brainland and help me write something funny. It's like the more I think about how much I have to do with it the more psyched out I get... a vicious cycle... a true white lady problem.

Let me tell you my life saving choice today. Listening to Tina Fey's new book "Bossypants" on the book on tape-esque option on my new Kindle... Thanks Jodi!

If you're going to read Tina Fey's book and you're in a car, this is the way to do it (especially since reading in the car is for the A. experience and B. retarded).

The woman's robotic voice is just makes words like "lesbian," "b-hole" and "very, very, very, very, very" all that much better. She also can't pronounce "Bossypants" it resembles the way you would say "participant" instead of "Bossy-pants." Amazing.

This is a great pastime for East to West then West to East traffic time and the occasional loop North. I can read without reading and I'm not eating into time I would be doing anything other than listening to NPR, singing Whitney Houston songs out loud or of course, speaking with loved ones illegally on my DROID (If you've been around me when my phone is on you know what I'm talking about).

The low points of my day were kind of frequent today, but nothing 3rd world... or were they? Maybe the 3rd world does want to cry when they're Ray Bans hit the ground and kind of get a little messed up. Maybe people walking from village to village are worried about Beverly Hills being over the top. Maybe countries with little to no drinking water do stress about "is my 434 script funny enough and why can't I just fucking write it and be a good writer like all the super smart people I go to school with?" Yeah, they probably worry about these things. Sorry, guys, I have no advice because we deal with these issues as well in the US. It's a real shame.

Have I finished bitching? No... What are you crazy?! I could complain all day... give me a subject... I'll improvise... I'll "yes and" that shit 'til the cows come home... I'll complain about the cows coming home... I don't have room for cows in my shitty studio apartment at

123 murder street, LA CA 900***

Gotcha.

My last complaint before I go do actual work... and if anyone gives me shit about doing this and not doing actual work tomorrow I might kill them on the spot...

Tina Fey is pregnant. WTF.

I was so proud of her for not sharing this kind of information and complaining about it endlessly in The New Yorker-- because I love reading the New Yorker and if anyone feels moved enough to get me a subscription or give me your old magazines... do it. I love that shit.

Oh, well. I guess it's okay. I mean, pregnancy is weird. It's like alien or the end of Spaceballs... but choices... and only children are weird (yeah, you heard me) so I guess props to them. Blurg (no "h").

I Stoled This.

I stole this quiz from my new favorite blog... http://kenlevine.blogspot.com/ it's run by Ken Levine who is a comedy writer and HILARIOUS. He not only writes about my favorite things, but also about my FAVORITE THINGS.

So I'm doing the quiz he had on his blog... because I'm cool and out to prove it.

• A-Available/Single? No.

• B-Best Friend? Carol. My sister will be mad at this... but sisters don't count in this quiz.
• C-Cake or Pie? Both... on the same plate.
• D-Drink Of Choice? Iced tea and for late night, more Iced tea
• E-Essential Item You Use Everyday? My keys, they get my in and out of my apt. When I lost them that one (2) time, my life sucked.
• F-Favorite Color? Green or Red. If you're color blind, this is the same.
• G-Gummy Bears Or Worms? Both, in the same bag.
• H-Hometown? Easton
• I-Indulgence? Hillstone restaurants. I love beet burgers and their fries. Bandera has the best drink on earth and R+D has the best Martini (that my cousin named.
• J-January Or February? November.
• K-Kids & Their Names? Never going to happen. Adopted. Doggie.
• M-Marriage Date? Never? Not soon? June 4th?
• N-Number Of Siblings? 1
• O-Oranges Or Apples? Both, in the same lunch bag.
• P-Phobias/Fears? Everything? I'm like the Woody Allen of girls.
• Q-Favorite Quote? Deeds not words.
• R-Reason to Smile? Everything. Oh, and The Dick Van Dyke Show
• S-Season? November sweeps.
• T-Tag Three or Four People? why? So they can know how cool I am?
• U-Unknown Fact About Me? I kick with my left foot.
• V-Vegetable you don't like? Stephen Hawkins, sike, Fennel.
• W-Worst Habit? Too wound up (What if I had said "Pooping myself?")

• X-X-rays You've Had? Teeth, ankle, head, neck, pelvis ... is this the only x word someone could think of?
• Y-Your Favorite Food? Yummy Pasta or my Mom's Pasta Salad. Oh, and a salad with it.
• Z-Zodiac Sign? Sagittarius

Self Editing

Right now I'm working on editing/re-writing my Modern Family spec for the Nickelodeon Fellowship.

Well, not right now, because I thought, once again, that writing in my blog might free up some creativity that's staying dormant in my brain.

I think I may have figured out an organization problem, so this might help to make my script better... this leads me to what I'm going to talk about... Editing.

Now, I'm living a privilaged life. I won't hide it. I go to USC... I'm a brat. I worked pretty hard to get here and continue to do so, but my problems are like, "I can't think of anything funny." or "I don't want to eat pb&j I want Freshii today." These aren't real problems. They're my problems, and really the funny thing can be an issue when that's how you want to make a living, but they're not like, "I don't have food." or "I don't have a family that cares." They care. They care a lot.

You're probably, at this point, like, "Shut up then." Well, you shut up.

Last night Paul Hirsch came to talk to my John Hughes writing class. If you don't know who he is, you should IMDB him. He's edited a lot of impressive work: Star Wars, Carrie, Ferris Bueller, Planes, Trains and Automobiles, among others.

Hearing him talk about his work and working with John Hughes was inspirational but just like any other time we have impressive people speak-- it's intimidating as well. He loves what he does and says to do things you love otherwise you'll get frustrated. He's good at what he does, he gets to say this.

The frustration and intimidation comes into play when I'm sitting in the WGA Library trying to rewrite a script that is for a fellowship that I have a very slim chance getting. I do it anyway because you have to play to win, to whineand to hopefully succeed.

I just want to write funny things, but how does one know they're funny? I hope I'm not one of those people who "think they're funny." You know, like when someone doesn't get Michael Scott on The Office because they're that character... I don't want to suck the funny out of the room... I want to pump it in there like a Swedish made penis enlarger... or a pump.

I'm hoping that Improv class tonight will help me expel some of the daemons that are living in my eyeballs today.

This week is poopy. Maybe I should just sit in a corner and cry it out? Nah, that would be quite a sight and probably pretty inappropriate here at the WGA. Their walls are glass so all of Miracle Mile would see me hunched over sobbing... I'll save it for when I have money, it might make Star Magazine... or the NYtimes like Chris Lee-- did you guys see that?!

Just when you think Egypt is the only thing to care about... blamo... the GOP does something that is the equivilant to a Zales diamond...

The next part of this blog will be called... Smart Guy: Chris Lee.

Chris Lee... so you're a smart guy. I mean you're a Congressman. You went to University of Rodchester and then Chapman University... you didn't get your partying out there?

Chris, did you think to maybe ask someone in your district, maybe an intern, what they think about Criagslist? Or maybe what they think about sending topless "phone pix" to people they like?

Your interns are probably working their asses off to make sure you don't see shit on Facebook. They're probably contacting friends from undergrad to ask them to please untag those embarrassing Cabo photos. No one knows your interns. No one voted for them.

Are you auditioning for the Jersey Shore? You might want to send MTV or FoxNews your resume... isn't that where trashy people go to die? Like Elliot Spitzer? I mean... you could co-host.

I hope John Boehner sheds a tear for your intelligence. It would be one of the few tears worth seeing. I hope Nancy Pelosi comes to your house and smacks you across the face.

I hope Obama sends you a picture of him shirtless and shows you how it's fucking done.

You'll probably crawl out of this hole, Chirs, I don't worry about that. I mean, now people really know who you are and that you work out.

Luckily you live in the land of Kardashians, Schwartzennegers and Johnny MacEnroe. No worries... just keep being rich and retarded.

Wow... that made me feel so much better! I'm going to go write some Modern Family now. Feel free to comment ;) Or if you know someone-- send this shit. I feel like Chris Lee needs to see it.

Posting

I haven't blogged in a while. Not on this blog, not on my Ingrid Bergman blog... not on a stranger's blog... not blogging.

School and such hasn't allowed for it.

I had a shitty day today. It was the kind of day where everything was a beat off. Then I lost my keys. Everything went to pot.

I had to walk to the rental office, walk to my friend's house for my spare car key and walk home. I was steaming on this walk. I was pissed and annoyed. My back hurts from carrying a heavy bookbag around.

I realize now, though this day was crappy, it wasn't that bad. I have good things going on... one of which is working on a bio for the Nickelodeon Fellowship.

I'm hoping that writing this post is going to help me loosen up some of the hang ups I've had while writing this bio. It has to be funny, it has to be creatively written, well written and articulate why I'd be a good candidate to write comedy TV for Nickelodeon for a year.

I'd love to just stroll up to them and say... "BECAUSE IT'S BEEN MY DREAM SINCE I FIGURED OUT TV WASN'T JUST TINY PEOPLE IN A BOX."

But that's what gets you escorted off the property.

I'd love to tell them, "BECAUSE MY MOM TOLD ME I CAN DO WHATEVER I PUT MY MIND TO." They'd probably correct my grammar and escort me off the property.

I could tell them, "I FINISHED THE DAMN REQUIREMENTS NOW LET ME IN!"

That's what I intend to do.

I have to have a bio, an application and a TV 1/2 hour spec (with one or two in reserves) just to get a first interview.

I've written a 1st draft of a "Modern Family" and I've been thinking of creative ways to articulate my strange, yet hilarious journey to my 26 year old self.

I bet you're wanting to know what's going on with me personally or in school.

Well, I'm not going to tell you about my personal life now. I'll tell you that I'm taking a ton of classes and writing more than ever (just not online). I am in love with television, though this isn't a new thing. I'm pretty sure I don't talk like I'm from the Eastern Shore or Maryland really because of television (thanks TV I love you.)

I read a fantastic article in the New Yorker today by Tina Fey. It was shear inspiration. I wish I could pull a Donald Glover and she could just discover me and we could eat french fries and make fun of people who walk by all day long. Then I could go work at SNL and occasionally something at Sesame Street... No big deal.

Until that happens though, I will continue to work my hands to the bone getting my work read and my comedy to the people.

Don't forget to laugh.

Contribution to My Film Career: The Girl Who Can Turn the World On With Her Smile

I have opened a new tumblr account that is dedicated to Mary Tyler Moore.

I'm sure you are aware of my obsession with MTM, because, as you should know, she is FREAKTASTICALLY AMAZING.

I want to share something with everyone because it relates to my life, my choice of career, my childhood and Mary Tyler Moore (among other marvelous influences in my life...)

I mentioned Tumblr because I was searching for content about the MTM Show (so that other fans can not only visit my page but also have MTM influence in their blogs/lives) and I came across this video:

Now this video doesn't do much. It's simply a line up of classic television shows, but to me, it is a menu of greatness.

When I was about 2 or 3 years old, I saw what opened my blue eyes to Classic television... the opening credits of Bewitched. I distinctly remember walking up to the television, which was kept in this HUGE brown entertainment center (I loved the glass door that had a "popping-magnet") and looked into the television. I tried to figure out where this was coming from, but couldn't be torn away from the beautiful glory that was Bewitched.

Fast forward to Alexis at age 7. Now, officially a product of the United State Air Force family, a bit strange, but loving television like a loyal friend.

I loved Bewitched. I lived for it. At that young age, I arranged for my bedtime to be pushed back by a half hour in order to stay up and watch. I remember that it was I Dream of Jeannie, Bewitched, I Love Lucy and then Mary Tyler Moore.-- this changed through out the years, but this year, it was crucial to my lifestyle.

I had to do well in school, stay out of trouble, be nice and share with my sister, get my homework done (which if you ask my mother, in 3rd grade, for some reason, we had a SHIT TON of spelling word homework--yet I still can't spell.) and be quiet during the shows. The quieter I was during my favorite programs, the likelier it was for me to be able to stay up past bedtime and watch the other shows!

The shows altered-- Gilligan's Island was on at one point, Get Smart, The Dick Van Dyke Show... all of which I gazed into, admired and memorized... but there's a key factor here that we forget as we get older... perspective.

Now I see Bewitched as an example of a woman breaking boundaries; mixed marriage, differences, family issues, breaking conventions, etc.
Back then: Bewitched was a pretty lady who was funny, could travel by snapping her fingers, had the world at her finger tips and glamorous clothing.

I thought ...Jeannie was great too-- but not as good (I still hold this opinion high).

I Love Lucy, well, it speaks for itself. It's fantastic- though I never was into it as much-- I've never been very good at going with the majorities' flow...

The point, I guess, to all of this is The Mary Tyler Moore Show.

When I was little, I remember thinking the song was great. I thought she was a pretty lady, with great clothes, a funny friend, a job and an apartment. Nothing really to write home about.

The show was boring to a 7 year old trying to stay up for the next round of classics to be re-run re-runs at 12:30am. Why would we watch a girl who goes to work, then goes home?

Fast forward again-- after all of the papers I managed to crank out in college about women in television... siting Bewitched in immeasurable amounts as well as 30 Rock and SNL, I never, until last year, revisited Mary Tyler Moore.

To a bourgeoning feminist-- this is the Bible. She is Moses... well she's Moses' friend Mary, because we all know that Rhoda would claim herself Moses. This show is the best television writing, the best writers, women and men working in a time of great importance to my generation and making it look so fun and beautiful.

I love these shows. They have been good friends to me. I guess I just wanted to write about it a little.

I'd also like to thank my parents-- because I know that you know that I know you let me stay up and watch these shows-- and yes, it was for my own good. Thank you immensely! I love you for it and other reasons.

Well, I'm going to go absorb some more classic television... thank you Netflix! :)

"The world was waiting just for you..."

My dog, Sadie May, was put down on Sunday.

This has really effected me deeply. She was my best friend. She was there for me and was a loyal pal. We rescued her from the pound on October 7, 1997. She, like me, wasn't warm at first. We both took our time to get to know one another and both agreed that we were the bosses of Erin.

Sadie was a goof. She would do the best tricks. I would say "What do we do in Vietnam?" and she would get down and do a low crawl for a treat. It was the funniest trick and a great time. She was always there to hang out with me. I'm a homebody and just like staying in and watching television, writing on the computer, watching movies and reading. Sadie was either laying on my feet or right there beside me. She was a big fan of whatever I was obsessed with at the time. She never judged me for being a little weird or trying to do something outside the box. If I cried, she was there to lend a soft ear and a wag of her tail. She didn't lick, unless you had soap or peanut butter on your hand. She loved pillows, blankets and couches. "Sunny spots" were areas of the house that she would frequent and boy was she obnoxious when it came within 15 minutes of her food time.

I guess we get used to having our little furry friends under foot. I don't think we take them for granted, but we sure don't devote as much time to them as they do to us. I can't think of any times, even if she had been at the kennel, when I felt Sadie was mad at me. Though I definitely pitched fits towards her.

I'm going to miss giving her nicknames... I think she racked up at least 100. My "Derz" as I would affectionately refer to her, was a shy soul. She was a great story. She was thrown from a moving truck. Rescued by a guy. Rescued by us and enjoyed a life filled with treats and adventures. Though she shook like a leaf in the car, she would give anything to go to a lacrosse game or a road trip with the family.

All of my friends knew Sadie. They would show her love and she loved them. Carol scared the shit out of her one time and we laughed for hours. She would only bark twice at the sight of John then realizing it was one of her favorite people. She hated tall bald men, Pop pop never quite won her over... Pa did... with one swift swat with a newspaper to set her straight. She loved him. She was there for me when they passed.

I sit here with tears rolling down my cheek because I don't like the finite nature of death. I don't know what happens to us or our animal friends when we stop ticking. I don't know what happens at all. I feel like I'm being melodramatic, but how else to you act when you lose something that has stolen such a large chunk of your heart?

I know I wish Sadie were here watching MTM with me. I know she wouldn't care how hard I laughed or how many times we'd watch the same episodes just so I could memorize the details I would like to know inside and out.

I was able to say goodbye to her. She even skyped and reacted to my voice.

I am going to miss her a lot and this week is going to be hard, especially since she's who I'd call upon for a snuggle.

I guess I can't say anything else. I'd just go on for hours. I've posted this song here that always makes me think of Sadie. It has her name in it and it's hilarious... the reason why it reminds me of her.
The song is "Sexy Sadie" by the Beatles. I think it's great because Sadie was anything but sexy. She was funny, quirky and cute. She hated to be snuggled but loved to snuggle on her terms. I respect that.

This is for you Sadie. I miss you already and I love you so much.

Video-- I'm A Lazy Blogger